December 16, 2010

Today Mom said that she is renaming us "Milk" and "Cookies" because she is going to leave us out for Santa on Christmas Eve.

SANTA!!!

December 15, 2010

Adam ~

I made myself some oatmeal today. In related news, Grandma's kitchen floor makes a good wading pool.

December 8, 2010

November 13, 2010

Adam ~

Mom filled the tub for me and Jack the other day. I crouched on the edge of the tub and then, just to be sure, I looked at Mom and asked, "No cannonball?" *sigh* The answer was no.

~

Whenever I get caught by Mom doing something that I know is naughty I'll tell Mom to be quiet, like this: "Adam, are you playing with Mike's Legos?" "Mom! Shh, be quiet."

~

Grandma caught me picking my nose and asked me if I wanted a tissue. I told her, "No thanks. I like to roll them."



Jack~

Adam and I are learning to potty on the toilet. Sometimes when I'm sitting on the potty and Adam's waiting for his turn he'll make sure my aim is right by pointing my winkie down for me. He's a good brother.

~

I miss my daddy a lot because he gone most of the week driving his big truck. So I call him on my Lightning McQueen cell phone and talk to him all the time.

~

Whenever Mom carries me downstairs I ask her to go upside down, so she flips me over and holds me by the waist. Then we go down the stairs upside down. I like it so much I always ask her to do it again.

September 22, 2010

It's my birthday so I can do whatever I want to do, including smooshing applesauce into the carpet, not wearing pants and still being in my jammies (sort of) at 3:00.

~ Jack

June 29, 2010

Jack -

Today I licked the toilet seat at Taco Time. Mom totally overreacted.

Oh, and I got some new shoes, too.

June 11, 2010

Adam ~

I'm still here and being naughty. Mom just doesn't take time to transcribe for me very often.

June 1, 2010

Jack -

Today I climbed the ladder to the bunk bed while naked, pooped, climbed back down, stepped in the poop, and then walked on the carpet to the living room to ask Mom to wash my feet. I think it made her really happy because the whole time she was scrubbing my poop off of the floor I could hear her saying, "I love my kids. I love my life," over and over.

Also, a couple of weeks ago I made my mom a ten-egg omelette on the living room carpet. I cracked open the eggs and then mixed them around with my hands.

I'm a really good helper.

April 13, 2010

Jack -

Mom just caught me stacking glass jars of pickles from the pantry on the tile floor. I had the tower stacked five jars high and it was almost as tall as me! Mom tried to be quiet but she still startled me and I knocked my tower over. Mom is quick though; she caught all of the jars and none of them broke.

Mom is more agile than she looks. Also, she says it's nap time now.

April 7, 2010

Hello, all. Jack here. After my busy morning, Mom said that it was time for me to become a contributor to this blog, so here I am.



I'm very pleased to meet you all.

I started my morning today by dumping a bowl of milk into the keyboard of the computer. Mom said a lot of really neat words. She was grumbling under her breath and rummaging in her tool box and I heard Dad ask her "Are you going to neuter our son?" Mom said "Yes." I don't know what neuter means but if it means that we get to use tools then count me in!

While Mom was busy taking the keyboard apart, I took the opportunity to familiarize myself with the big white bowl of water in the bathroom. The water was so cold on my hands that I would dip my hands in and then slurp it off of my fingers. Mmmm!

Mommy must have heard me splashing because she came into the bathroom and said a whole bunch more really neat words. Then she took me to Daddy and told him to wash my hands and keep me out of trouble.

What trouble?

After Dad washed my hands, which was totally unnecessary as I had just had them in water, he dressed me and put me down to play. He said "Stay away from your Mama!" which was a bummer because she was still working on the keyboard and I thought that it would have been an excellent opportunity to expand my vocabulary.

Instead, I found what Dad later told me was a mouse trap. It had a yellow thing on it that looked like SpongeBob. I love SpongeBob! When I went to pick up the SpongeBob toy to play with it, it bit me. Daddy held me and loved me and we snuggled with my favorite cozy. After a while, I decided to play with Dad. He loves to play with me, but he's kind of a sissy girl when we play. I slap him in the face with both of my hands and he always complains. Today while we were playing he said, "Why are you being so mean to me? Don't you realize that I'm your protection from your mother?" Sometimes I think that Mom and Dad speak a whole different language than I do.

Well, Mom says that it's time for a nap. I hope that Adam will be home when I wake up. He always has really good ideas.

March 16, 2010

Mom says that Jack is giving me a run for my money. I disagree. Not only do I not have any money, I can also run way faster than Jack can.

She also says that I'll probably have to start sharing my blog with him.

March 11, 2010

Yesterday I found Mom's fingernail polish and I painted my nails. And my fingers. And my shirt. And all of the bottles of fingernail polish.

Mom found me and cleaned it all off but then I cried. So she painted my nails for me.



Sometimes my mom isn't so bad.

Drinking Fountain Fun

January 27, 2010

Mom let me paint today.



I LOVED IT!


Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I haven't suddenly become well behaved. Mom just doesn't have time to type for me. Sunday I found out what happens when you swing a golf club in the kitchen and it knocks a glass off of the counter onto the floor. Can you say awesome glass explosion? My mom can't, but she can say lots of other neat words that she says aren't appropriate for this blog.

January 5, 2010

Did you know that we have model glue in our house?

Neither did my mom until she found me spreading it on my pants and the carpet.

December 30, 2009

A few days ago, I washed the mirror in the bathroom with Mommy's yummy-smelling vanilla soap. I washed the counter, too. While I was up there, I decided to poke around in the medicine cabinet. I found these funny little plastic circles in water. Water should go down the drain instead of staying the cabinet where it might make a mess.

The next day I heard Mommy ask "...where are my contact lenses?"

Hmm. I wonder what contact lenses are.

December 14, 2009

Today Jack and I decided to make an omelet for Mom. We got out two cartons of eggs, one for Jack and one for me. The tile floor in the kitchen seemed like a good place to make the omelet so I opened up the cartons and Jack and I each grabbed two eggs.

Then Mom caught us and made us stop after only cracking one egg.

What kind of omelet can you make with one stinking egg?

December 12, 2009

I am such a big helper. Just the other day I heard my mom say how it seemed like she could never stay caught up on laundry so I decided that I needed to do something to help her out.

The washing machine was full of Mike's clothes so I threw in a towel and a few wash cloths. Then I added about a pound of laundry detergent and a liberal amount of bleach.



These pants are totally still wearable.


This is Mike's favorite Star Wars shirt. I think the bleach spots on the shoulder add to the edgy bounty hunter look, don't you?




If I had been just a little more thorough, Mike would have a nice pair of shorts.



Did anyone else know that bleach is corrosive?


Note From Mom
***Before I get comments on what kind of horrible mother would have dangerous chemicals where her toddler could reach them and thus laden heaping piles of guilt on my head (like I haven't already done that myself) let me state the facts:

1. The bleach and laundry detergent were on a shelf above my washing machine, a full five feet off of the ground.
2. The bleach has a child proof (*scoff*) lid that was screwed on tightly.
3. As near as I can figure, he pushed a bucket to the washing machine and climbed up that way.
4. All of this was accomplished in a matter of minutes.
5. Duct taping this child to a chair for all of his waking minutes is the only real way of keeping him out of trouble, and even then I'm not so sure that would do the trick.

I'm just grateful that the only real consequences were a few pieces of ruined clothing. We really can't do much more than keep a sharp eye on him, be grateful that it wasn't worse and laugh when it seems that crying would make more sense.

December 8, 2009

Tonight I played with Mike's light saber.

So did Jack.


He hasn't learned how to duck yet.

December 3, 2009

I made up a new game. I call it "Run Away".

Rules

1. When Mom says "Let's change your diaper" or "Let's get dressed" run away.
2. Whenever possible, open the door and run outside. Get as far away from the house as you can.
3. Don't underestimate the value of a good distraction. Little brothers, spilled bowls of cereal and puddles of urine all offer a great opportunity to begin the game.
   
4. When Mom gets you out of the car and is busy getting your little brother out of his car seat, get as far away from her as you can before she discovers that you're gone. Bonus points if you venture into traffic.
5. If Mom's hands are full and you're headed to the car to go bye-bye, use this golden opportunity to disappear. You can find a neat bug or play with your outside dump truck or look at the fish in the pond. Just stay away from Mom.
6. Once Mom realizes that you are running away, shriek and continue to distance yourself from her. If she tries to get you to willingly come back, yell "NO!" in your most authoritative voice. Continue running in the opposite direction.
7. Be warned: she will use all of the Mom-tricks in her bag. Coaxing, demanding, asking nicely, bribery - nothing is beneath a mother. Bonus points if you get her to cry.
8. Keep it up. She won't be able to out-run you forever.