July 15, 2009

Not much new to report.

Mom got rid of her wallet. The weight that has been lifted off of my shoulders is incredible. Now I no longer have to rearrange everything on a daily basis.

My baby brother has started to crawl. I've been conducting experiments to test his agility, speed, pain tolerance and digestive ability. He appears to be shaping up to be an exceptional side kick.

I have discovered the secret of defying gravity. More than once Mom has come into the kitchen to find me sitting on the counter and playing in the sink, with no sign of a stool or chair or any hint of how I got up there. I will take my secrets with me to the grave.

I have the four eldest members of my family trained to obey my every whim. I merely yell "Tee Bee!" and someone turns on the magic picture box. I don't even have to specify that I'd like to watch Spongebob, that's how well trained they are. As soon as the word "cows" escapes my lips, they are scrambling to find my snuggly cozy cows blanket.

Soon, Jack will have grown in power and together we will bring this family to its knees.

May 25, 2009

I'm through reorganizing Mom's wallet. From now on, I'm just going to empty the contents and scatter them throughout the house.

May 20, 2009

That blasted mother of mine undid all of my wallet organizing skills. So I dumped the entire contents on the floor. It took her a good fifteen minutes to put all of the change, pictures, coupons, business cards and all that other adult crap back where she wanted it. I am patient, though. I'll wait until tomorrow and then put everything back where it belongs. Eventually, I will wear her down and she will submit to my superior wallet-organizing skills.

Mom took me for a drive today, just Mommy and me. We went to the doctor where a nice lady poked my finger and then squeezed some pretty red stuff out. It was fascinating. She had to squeeze for a long time to get enough of the red stuff to fill up a little glass tube. Then a man came in and looked in my eyes and ears and even in my diaper. I'm suspicious of this man. What was his motive? He left the room shortly after he came in. I wanted to go with him but I had to stay with Mom. Then the nice lady came back and SHE STUCK A NEEDLE IN MY LEG! A NEEDLE! I said "Ouch!" then she put a Band-Aid on the hole in my leg. The Band-Aid has Mater on it. It was cool.

We buried a dead chicken before bedtime. Mike and Noel cried. I don't get it. We got to dig in the dirt! My brother and sister are weird.

May 13, 2009

Tore pages from Mike's Ripley's book. Made the sad face and cried when Mom scolded me. Continued to cry off and on for an hour whenever Mom looked at me, even though I had forgotten the original reason for crying.

Insisted that Jack share his Stage One Gerber applesauce with me. Baby food is goooood.

Rearranged Mom's wallet because I can never find anything in there when I need it.

Discovered the joys of self-portraiture.