December 8, 2010

November 13, 2010

Adam ~

Mom filled the tub for me and Jack the other day. I crouched on the edge of the tub and then, just to be sure, I looked at Mom and asked, "No cannonball?" *sigh* The answer was no.

~

Whenever I get caught by Mom doing something that I know is naughty I'll tell Mom to be quiet, like this: "Adam, are you playing with Mike's Legos?" "Mom! Shh, be quiet."

~

Grandma caught me picking my nose and asked me if I wanted a tissue. I told her, "No thanks. I like to roll them."



Jack~

Adam and I are learning to potty on the toilet. Sometimes when I'm sitting on the potty and Adam's waiting for his turn he'll make sure my aim is right by pointing my winkie down for me. He's a good brother.

~

I miss my daddy a lot because he gone most of the week driving his big truck. So I call him on my Lightning McQueen cell phone and talk to him all the time.

~

Whenever Mom carries me downstairs I ask her to go upside down, so she flips me over and holds me by the waist. Then we go down the stairs upside down. I like it so much I always ask her to do it again.

September 22, 2010

It's my birthday so I can do whatever I want to do, including smooshing applesauce into the carpet, not wearing pants and still being in my jammies (sort of) at 3:00.

~ Jack

June 29, 2010

Jack -

Today I licked the toilet seat at Taco Time. Mom totally overreacted.

Oh, and I got some new shoes, too.

June 1, 2010

Jack -

Today I climbed the ladder to the bunk bed while naked, pooped, climbed back down, stepped in the poop, and then walked on the carpet to the living room to ask Mom to wash my feet. I think it made her really happy because the whole time she was scrubbing my poop off of the floor I could hear her saying, "I love my kids. I love my life," over and over.

Also, a couple of weeks ago I made my mom a ten-egg omelette on the living room carpet. I cracked open the eggs and then mixed them around with my hands.

I'm a really good helper.

April 7, 2010

Hello, all. Jack here. After my busy morning, Mom said that it was time for me to become a contributor to this blog, so here I am.



I'm very pleased to meet you all.

I started my morning today by dumping a bowl of milk into the keyboard of the computer. Mom said a lot of really neat words. She was grumbling under her breath and rummaging in her tool box and I heard Dad ask her "Are you going to neuter our son?" Mom said "Yes." I don't know what neuter means but if it means that we get to use tools then count me in!

While Mom was busy taking the keyboard apart, I took the opportunity to familiarize myself with the big white bowl of water in the bathroom. The water was so cold on my hands that I would dip my hands in and then slurp it off of my fingers. Mmmm!

Mommy must have heard me splashing because she came into the bathroom and said a whole bunch more really neat words. Then she took me to Daddy and told him to wash my hands and keep me out of trouble.

What trouble?

After Dad washed my hands, which was totally unnecessary as I had just had them in water, he dressed me and put me down to play. He said "Stay away from your Mama!" which was a bummer because she was still working on the keyboard and I thought that it would have been an excellent opportunity to expand my vocabulary.

Instead, I found what Dad later told me was a mouse trap. It had a yellow thing on it that looked like SpongeBob. I love SpongeBob! When I went to pick up the SpongeBob toy to play with it, it bit me. Daddy held me and loved me and we snuggled with my favorite cozy. After a while, I decided to play with Dad. He loves to play with me, but he's kind of a sissy girl when we play. I slap him in the face with both of my hands and he always complains. Today while we were playing he said, "Why are you being so mean to me? Don't you realize that I'm your protection from your mother?" Sometimes I think that Mom and Dad speak a whole different language than I do.

Well, Mom says that it's time for a nap. I hope that Adam will be home when I wake up. He always has really good ideas.

March 11, 2010

Yesterday I found Mom's fingernail polish and I painted my nails. And my fingers. And my shirt. And all of the bottles of fingernail polish.

Mom found me and cleaned it all off but then I cried. So she painted my nails for me.



Sometimes my mom isn't so bad.

January 5, 2010

Did you know that we have model glue in our house?

Neither did my mom until she found me spreading it on my pants and the carpet.

December 30, 2009

A few days ago, I washed the mirror in the bathroom with Mommy's yummy-smelling vanilla soap. I washed the counter, too. While I was up there, I decided to poke around in the medicine cabinet. I found these funny little plastic circles in water. Water should go down the drain instead of staying the cabinet where it might make a mess.

The next day I heard Mommy ask "...where are my contact lenses?"

Hmm. I wonder what contact lenses are.

December 14, 2009

Today Jack and I decided to make an omelet for Mom. We got out two cartons of eggs, one for Jack and one for me. The tile floor in the kitchen seemed like a good place to make the omelet so I opened up the cartons and Jack and I each grabbed two eggs.

Then Mom caught us and made us stop after only cracking one egg.

What kind of omelet can you make with one stinking egg?

December 3, 2009

I made up a new game. I call it "Run Away".

Rules

1. When Mom says "Let's change your diaper" or "Let's get dressed" run away.
2. Whenever possible, open the door and run outside. Get as far away from the house as you can.
3. Don't underestimate the value of a good distraction. Little brothers, spilled bowls of cereal and puddles of urine all offer a great opportunity to begin the game.
   
4. When Mom gets you out of the car and is busy getting your little brother out of his car seat, get as far away from her as you can before she discovers that you're gone. Bonus points if you venture into traffic.
5. If Mom's hands are full and you're headed to the car to go bye-bye, use this golden opportunity to disappear. You can find a neat bug or play with your outside dump truck or look at the fish in the pond. Just stay away from Mom.
6. Once Mom realizes that you are running away, shriek and continue to distance yourself from her. If she tries to get you to willingly come back, yell "NO!" in your most authoritative voice. Continue running in the opposite direction.
7. Be warned: she will use all of the Mom-tricks in her bag. Coaxing, demanding, asking nicely, bribery - nothing is beneath a mother. Bonus points if you get her to cry.
8. Keep it up. She won't be able to out-run you forever.
   

November 19, 2009

I think I may have a future in fashion. Mom and Dad really seemed to admire my outfit today: Mom's sling-back pumps and my cowboy hat.

Yee-haw, darlings.

November 17, 2009

Directions for the funnest game ever:

1. Take off all clothes, excluding or including diaper as mood dictates.
2. Put on fresh shirt from dresser.
3. Wait five to fifteen minutes.
4. Repeat until all shirts are on the floor.
   

November 5, 2009

Today I discovered the usefulness of step stools.

While Mom was busy changing Jack's diaper, I helped myself to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.

I mixed a mad potion of prescription antibacterial ointment, two different kinds of sunscreen, eye drops, and some anti-fungal cream that Mom said no boy had any business using.

It made a lovely face and hand cream.

Then my mom washed it all off.

Boo to moms.

But, hey, yay for step stools!

Now if I can just find where she hid it....

October 15, 2009

Danger Boy has found a new lair.


What's this? Captain Mischief has discovered my lair.



I think we might make a good team....

October 8, 2009 Part II

I forgot to mention that a couple of weeks ago, I threw up one and a half sippy cups full of milk all over my mom.

In public.

In the foyer of a restaurant.

Suddenly no one was hungry but me so we went home. Boy, did we stink.

I got to take a bath with Mom. I raced her to the tub and did a cannonball into it because it was so full. I wrapped my arms around my knees and everything.

Then I filled up our rinsing cup with water and dumped it on the floor. Mom got mad and made me stop. Then I took little sips of water from the rinsing cup and spit them on the floor. She didn't like that either. So I soaked up some water with the washcloth and let it drip on the floor. Mom got mad again and made me stop again. I swear that woman has eyes in the back of her head.

She didn't say much about my little splashes after that. Compared to the cannonball they were nothing.

Sometimes my mom is no fun at all.

October 8, 2009

Today I decided to do a little landscaping in the living room, so I got my big ol' Tonka truck and dumped a full load of dirt right in front of the couch. Jack sat in it and ate some. We're a great team.

Then mom destroyed all of my work and I got to spend the rest of the day at Papa's house.

On the way home, we saw a helicopter right out my stinking window!

It's been a good day.

August 10, 2009

I was having so much fun when my dad walked into the kitchen. This is what I heard:

Dad: *extreme gasp*

Mom: *sigh* Did you find out why he's been quiet for more than five minutes?

Dad: Yep.

Mom: Do I want to know?

Dad: Nope.




My mom is a liar. If she didn't want to know, why did she walk into the kitchen with the camera?



Jack is always raving about this "formula" stuff. Personally, I don't see what the fuss is all about. At least I got a bath out of the deal. Mom told me that if we turned on the jets in the tub it would make a milk shake, but she never turned them on.

Catching Up

My transcriptionist has been unable to help me with my blog this week, so I'll just catch up with one big post.

Monday, August 3

Found a pool of beautiful, crystal clear water on the front patio, just beckoning to me. Enjoyed several minutes of cannonballs and swan dives before Mom came out to see what the ruckus was about. Little brother Jack came out to see, too. Mom turned on the hose while muttering under her breath something about "just scrubbed the trough last night." The water is cloudy because my diaper started to come apart after being in there for so long.

Part way through the video, you can see a big dump truck drive by. That is one of my favorite things about living on a farm: big trucks and tractors!


Tuesday, August 4

My name is Danger Boy, and this is my lair:



I like to do all sorts of things in my lair, but meditation is my favorite, especially if I'm meditating with a cup of milk and my Cozy Cows.



Wednesday, August 5


I found this great cowboy hat. It makes a great Danger Boy disguise. Hmmm..... what shall I do with this box of 3" wood screws? Oh, the possibilities are endless!



"Howdy, y'all! This is the lair of Cowboy Boy. Members only, please."



I think I'll mosey into the kitchen and have the barmaid get me a refill. Milk, chocolate.



Thursday, August 6


Found these socks and insisted that Mom put them on me. I wore them for the whole day. Also, I like my big brother.



Friday, August 7



What kind of parent takes a picture before helping their sweet son out of a sticky situation?


Author's Note: Clothes are for sissies.

Transcriptionist's Note: Hi. This is Adam's mom. I dress this boy each and every day. In Monday's post, he is still wearing the onesie that he slept in, but I took it off of him right after I turned off the camera. His diaper was a giant, shapeless, pulpy mess which promptly disintegrated after I removed the support of the onesie. He ran around outside for the rest of the morning stark naked because he refused to come inside and get dressed. In posts Tuesday through Thursday, he is wearing only a diaper (and socks) because he undressed himself within thirty minutes of being dressed. In Friday's post, he is not wearing pants because he took them off but the camera hides this fact. I try, people, really I do, but I'm just a thirty-something mother up against a two year old mastermind.

August 6, 2009

Mmmmm. Soap.