Dear Son,
I know that you enjoy playing on the washing machine. I know that it makes you feel big and gives you a different vantage point. I suspect that you enjoy the element of danger that it presents as well. But you have to stop thrashing about when I remove you from the top of the washer. I'm a full grown woman, but I'm finding it harder and harder to keep hold of 25 pounds of wildly bucking toddler. You are lucky that we made it to the carpet before my grip gave out.
Additionally, when you are thrashing and kicking, your baby brother usually suffers several blows to the head, as he always wants to be where you are. Please consider others in your actions.
It is not safe to play in the dryer with the door closed. I shudder to think of the possible results of that action. Please stop.
The chairs in our house each have their own place and I would appreciate if they would stay in their respective spots instead of being used to assist you in climbing to various heights.
Last of all, I know that you love to be outside. I know that you are proud of your new-found ability to open doors and the deadbolt. But, Son, when it's thirty degrees and snowing, a diaper and one sock are not enough protection from the elements. Please stay inside.
Love,
Your Mother
P.S. A diaper change does not present any threat to your life, so please stop acting as such.
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