Thursday, December 3, 2009

December 3, 2009

I made up a new game. I call it "Run Away".

  1. When Mom says "Let's change your diaper" or "Let's get dressed" run away.
  2. Whenever possible, open the door and run outside. Get as far away from the house as you can.
  3. Don't underestimate the value of a good distraction. Little brothers, spilled bowls of cereal and puddles of urine all offer a great opportunity to begin the game.
  4. When Mom gets you out of the car and is busy getting your little brother out of his car seat, get as far away from her as you can before she discovers that you're gone. Bonus points if you venture into traffic.
  5. If Mom's hands are full and you're headed to the car to go bye-bye, use this golden opportunity to disappear. You can find a neat bug or play with your outside dump truck or look at the fish in the pond. Just stay away from Mom.
  6. Once Mom realizes that you are running away, shriek and continue to distance yourself from her. If she tries to get you to willingly come back, yell "NO!" in your most authoritative voice. Continue running in the opposite direction.
  7. Be warned: she will use all of the Mom-tricks in her bag. Coaxing, demanding, asking nicely, bribery - nothing is beneath a mother. Bonus points if you get her to cry.
  8. Keep it up. She won't be able to out-run you forever.

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